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Kids Say the Darndest Things!
Briana W. Hess

My 5-year-old daughter, Danielle, is a handful. She will don a beautiful, little dress, have her nails painted bright pink, wear princess heels and then go play in the mud. In the morning, I’ll style her hair and by the end of the day, it’s hanging down to her waist and usually has food or something gooey in it. But, to hear some of the stuff she says and to not write it down would be a travesty.

The following are a few of the creative gems she has said in the past and even recently:

Justin (Aka Daddy): “What do you want for your birthday, Danielle?”

Danielle: “Elsa powers.”

Justin: “What’s ‘Elsa powers’?”

Danielle: “Daddy, you know! Turning stuff into ice with my hands.”

 

Me: *Hears sniffles in the backseat of the car.*

Me: “Do you need a tissue, baby?”

Danielle: “No, I’m just singing with my nose.”

 

Danielle: “Are we going over ‘the’ bridge?” (The small bridge we cross going to church on Sundays.)

Me: “Yeah, we just passed it about 5 minutes ago.”

Danielle: *Smacks forehead “Ugh! Bridges give me headaches.”

*And, she’s also “allergic-k” to taking trips to Wal-Mart.

 

She decided last summer to cut her hair because “it was in her way.” She cried when she looked in the mirror at her masterpiece.

 

Danielle: “Momma, what color are your feet?”

Me: “Kind of tan or light brown.”

Danielle: “What color are my feet?”

Me: “Brown.”

Danielle: “Well, what color are Daddy’s feet?”

Me: “He is what we call pale.”

 

*6:30 a.m. with birds chirping out our window. Keep in mind, Danielle LOVES Disney princess movies, but she has never claimed to be one…

Danielle: (With eyes still closed) “Why are those birds so loud?! It’s not morning yet. I wish they would STOP talking!”

 

*Riding in the car.

Danielle: (Speaking gibberish and singing, possibly trying to rap) “Yo-yo”

Me: “YOLO? You know what that means? You Only Live Once?”

Danielle: “Oh yeah, you know what a bird says? … Tweet.”

Justin: “Well, what does the fox say?”

Danielle: *Pauses, but doesn’t reply.
Danielle: “Well, what does a tree say? … Nuffin.” Silence (*Drops mic)

 

Danielle: “Daddy’s feet stink!”

Me: “Really? What do they smell like?”

Danielle: “Like poop, fish, bones … and pressure.”

Me: “Pressure?”

Danielle: “Yeah. I don’t even know what that means, but they smell like pressure.”

 

SONG LYRICS: (By the way, the music artist is APPARENTLY ALWAYS WRONG, according to Danielle)

Joy to the World

“Joy to the World, the Lord is come

Let Erf receive a king

Let every heart, repair its room…”

 

Shake It Off

“… But, I keep pushin’

Can’t stop, won’t stop bull$#!+

Why I got my music …”

 

What a Mighty God We Serve

“What a mighty God we serve,

What a mighty God we serve,

Angels bow before Him,

Hean’n Erf adorn Him,

What a mighty God we serve.”

 

Can’t wait to see what kindergarten has in store for her this fall!

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Briana W. Hess |