Holiday parties are back in full swing! With that said, we thought it might be prudent to provide a refresher on etiquette, hosting and toasting the holidays. And, who better to weigh in on the subject than Jill Brown, who authors this magazine’s Life of a Party column.
LCM and Social Media Photos
In Jill’s opinion, being invited to someone’s home for dinner or a party is an honor and should be acknowledged as such. That means you RSVP in a timely manner, arrive on time and don’t overstay your welcome. And don’t arrive empty-handed. Jill views a host-hostess gift as a reflection of good manners. “There’s an Irish proverb that goes … ‘Always arrive with one arm longer than the other,’ which means always bring a gift for your hosts,” she says.
With the holidays upon us, the subject of appropriate host-hostess gifts has been a hot topic on the Internet as of late, with pros such as Ina Garten and Martha Stewart weighing in on the dos and don’ts of expressing your appreciation to a party’s hosts. I decided to go local and ask for Jill’s expertise on all things party.
Dinner Party
RSVP
Recently I read an article regarding RSVPs. The writer and her sources were bemoaning the fact that e-vites have not made it any easier to motivate people to RSVP to an invitation. The consensus was that the people who neglect to RSVP to a mailed invitation tend to ignore e-vites, as well. “It’s just so rude not to respond to an invitation,” says Jill. “Don’t make a hostess chase you down.”
Choices, Choices
It’s likely that you’ll receive invitations for multiple parties during the holiday season. What do you do if several are being held on the same night? Do you make an appearance at all of them or choose just one? In Jill’s opinion, it’s impolite to leave in the middle of a dinner party so that you can pop into a cocktail party. “RSVP to the first invitation you receive and send your regrets for others,” she says. (Plus, it will relieve the stress of deciding when to make your getaway.) Of course, there are exceptions. Drop-ins are more casual and have timeframes. Staying at one for an hour and then stopping by another would be perfectly fine.
Time Your Arrival
“Never arrive early for a dinner party” says Jill. “The hosts are probably trying to accomplish last-minute tasks and early arrivals can disrupt the schedule.”
How Late is Fashionably Late?
Jill pinpoints it to being no more than 20 minutes beyond the invitation’s start time. After that, you’re rudely late. “People are probably having drinks, so 20 minutes won’t affect dinner being served,” she says. Of course, if you realize you’ll be running later than the 20-minute grace period, call your hosts to apologize and suggest they proceed with dinner.
Allergies, Food Restrictions …
For a small dinner party, a hostess might want to touch base with guests to ask about allergies, food restrictions, etc. Or, if a guest has concerns, it might be a good idea to reach out and make the hosts aware. For drop-in and cocktail parties, Jill finds that menus are always varied enough that guests’ needs and preferences are accommodated.
For critical allergies, Jill suggests that hosts add small place cards to trays of hors d’oeuvres specifying, for example, “contains nuts” or “gluten free.”
Making You Farewells
How long do you stay after dinner has concluded? Jill advises that you let the conversation be your guide. “If the conversation is flowing and guests are enjoying themselves, there’s no need to leave,” she says. “If the conversation starts to lag, that’s a good indication it’s time to say goodnight.”
Hosts can send subtle signals that the evening is winding down by lowering the lights and music or by offering everyone one last cup of coffee or a nightcap.
Should You Offer Assistance
Jill finds that hosts often have routines and having guests offer their help in the kitchen before dinner can put a wrinkle in them. “If you’re going to dinner at a besties’ home, check in with them a few days ahead and offer to arrive early to help,” she suggests. “If they say no thanks, don’t press the issue.” The same applies to cleanup after dinner. “Again, people have their routines, and some actually enjoy the process. Ask once and accept their response.”
Drop-In/Open House Parties
How Long Should You Stay?
Such parties typically have timeframes. “The important thing here is to respect the end time,” says Jill. “Don’t overstay your welcome. In many instances hosts are working with catering companies and have contracted them for a set amount of time.”
“Upon arriving, be sure to greet your hosts. Because people are coming and going, it’s not necessary to say your goodbyes,” Jill says. “You can thank them with a thank-you note.”
Potlucks
Hosting a party can cost a pretty penny and the potluck party enables friends and family to celebrate the season without placing all the responsibility on the hosts. Essentially how it works is the hosts are responsible for providing the main dish (maybe a turkey, a ham, brisket, etc.), as well as the bar set-up. Guests add to the feast with appetizers, side dishes, desserts, beverages, etc. How do you make certain that the party has a well-balanced selection of food and drink? The hosts can assign guests to certain categories or devise a chart to which guests can note the contributions they will be bringing.
For such a party, Jill advises that guests arrive with ready-to-go dishes. “Don’t arrive expecting to create something on-site or use the oven for two hours,” she says. “Let the hosts know beforehand if you’ll need to put something in the oven for a quick warm-up.”
Dress Code
Jill says invitations often subtly indicate the dress code for a party. “Just the other day I received an invitation whose artwork included a sweater,” she explains. “The party is being held in the afternoon so I’m assuming dressy casual will be fine.” She says evening events require a little more interpretation. However, Jill is all for dressing up. “It’s the holidays,” she says. “It’s the perfect excuse to wear something that sparkles! I’d much rather be overdressed than underdressed.”
Host-Hostess Gifts
We’ve made it to the topic that inspired this blog: host-hostess gifts. It’s probably best to start with no-nos. Jill advises that you not show up with a bouquet of flowers. “They’ll need to be trimmed, arranged and put into water. The hostess will need to find a vase,” she notes. “It just creates work and maybe disrupts dinner preparations or greeting guests.” Of course, there’s an exception if your heart is set on flowers. Jill suggests you have flowers delivered the day before the party or a day or two after (along with a thank you note).
She’s also not a fan of wine as a hostess gift. “Wine selection is such an individual taste,” she says. Plus, it can create an awkward situation, as the hostess might assume you expect it to be served with dinner. If wine is your choice, present it in a pretty or fun wine bag and make it clear it’s for later enjoyment.
Also, don’t arrive with unexpected hors d’ oeuvres or dessert. Such surprises are not always appreciated, especially if the hosts have been working on a menu for weeks.
Jill likes to be creative in choosing hostess gifts. She also likes to make them personal. Instead of wine, she likes to present wine-loving hostesses with collectible wine glasses from a company called The Queens’ Jewels. “They’re beautiful and are available for all occasions,” she says. Another wine-related gift is a Corkcicle wine bottle chiller stick that can chill a bottle of wine in no time.
For fans of gadgets: A jar opener from Brix and a juicer-fluicer from Dreamfarm.
She also finds that gadgets that make cooking and entertaining a snap are also appreciated gifts. Some of her favorites include the Brix Original Easy Jar Key Opener and the World’s Best Fold Flat Citrus Juicer-Fluicer from Dreamfarm. She notes that Zest! in Lititz is a good source for gadgets, spices, preserves, etc. “Gadgets are great for people who like to cook and entertain,” she promises.
Items such as linen dish towels and cocktail napkins are also appreciated at this time of the year. “They’ll be put to good use,” Jill comments.
As for food items, Jill is a big fan of balsamics and olive oils from Olio in Lititz. Her faves are Champagne balsamic and Blood Orange extra virgin olive oil. (“Whisk equal parts together for the most refreshing salad dressing,” she says.) Local chocolate from Miesse Candies and Wilbur Chocolate are also go-tos. Another is gourmet chocolate from Mayana Chocolate.
Candles are also appreciated at this time of the year. “You can never have enough tapers,” Jill says. A new find is non-toxic candles from Lancaster’s Fontana Candle Company. Container wrappings are geared to any number of occasions, including “Thank You.”
Yet another idea is a gift basket filled with breakfast items for the following morning: think bagels, preserves, honey and coffee.
Speaking of Martha Stewart, her original book, Entertaining, which made its debut in 1982, is being published once again and contains more than 300 recipes and how-tos for setting the table for any occasion.
Last but not least is a pretty holiday ornament. The world is your oyster at local gift shops, garden centers and home design studios.
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